Sweet Life
by Perseus-bearer of the elements
Summary: After Percy gets cheated on by Annabeth, Aphrodite calls a distress meeting with the council. He soon becomes a God, Artemis has a crush on him, and Aphrodite is Right on her tail. Who will it be? Artemis or Aphrodite? Read to find out!
1. Chapter 1 The Bitch from Hell

Chapter 1: The Bitch from Hell

Percy's POV:

I walked into the throne room with a sad look on my face. Supposedly Aphrodite called an emergency distress and summoned me. Hmph. I wonder why? So when all the gods get settled, we begin. Aphrodite stands up as beautiful as ever and starts speaking, breaking the eerie silence. "So as you all know I called a distress meeting and…. Oh Stop ogling at me Ares, well to Conti" "Aphrodite get to the point." Zeus thundered. Aphrodite pursed her lips, "well we all know about the breakup between Percabeth, and I thi..." "WHAT!" Artemis practically screamed. Then I hit me.

*_Flashback*_

_I just got back to camp from a dangerous quest to defeat the chimera (and secretly getting a marriage ring for Annabeth for I was going to propose to her today, when I heard Annabeth's voice. "I love you Travis." It sounded like it came from the bushes so I went to spy. I looked and seen Annabeth and Travis making out. To say I was furious was an under statement, I was in rage no, not only rage, but GODLY rage. Tornados were forming, the earth was shaking so hard that cracks were forming on the earths crust, boats were getting sunken by tsunamis, buildings crumbling, volcanoes exploding, and many more. By now Annabeth noticed me and pulled away from Travis. "p-p-p-er-rc-cc-y wh-yy-y are-e yo-o-uu-u h-h-here." That got me even madder, "Fuck off Annabeth. Go burn with Hades. _

_*end of flashback* _

"SHUT THE HELL UP YOU DAMN BITCHES, DONT YOU DARE EVEN TALK BACK BECAUSE EVERY ONE OF YOU HAVE A PROBLEM, WELL EXEPT FOR ARTEMIS AND POSEIDON." I screamed so loud I think chaos could hear it. "How dare you" Zeus said in rage. "Oh hell no Zeus, 1. Everyone thinks you are bipolar, 2. Stop cheating on Hera because she can kill you, literally. 3. If you keep talking to me I will rip yo balls of, deep fry them and make them the special of the day for camp half-blood. I have done that shit befoe." I said in disgust. Zeus looked scared "If you don't I will turn you into a god and make each Olympian give you a little bit if their power." I stared wide eyed at him. "Good." I said. Zeus then got up from his throne and said "Olympians line up!" They all lined up to give me a gift. First in line was Ares. "Okay you little brat. I give you the ability to use an axe and spear perfectly." He shot a fierce red colored beam at me and went back to his throne. Next in line was Apollo. "I give you the power to use a bow correctly and healing dude." He then shot a dark yellow beam at me. "Thanks man." I respond. He nods and walks back to his throne. Next in line is Aphrodite. "I give you the power of sex and male beauty." I nod. She shoots a bright pink beam at me. Then she starts walking away mouthing, meet me at my palace after the meeting. I nod once again. Next in line is Zeus." I grant you passage to pick 3 minor gods to be blessed by." He walks away bored. Next in line is Athena. "I give you the power of strategy and architecture." She then shot a grey beam at me and walked away muttering "Sea Spawn." I'm gonna get her back. Then Hephaestus said "I forget what I was going to get you so fuck off bitch." I said "Tell me why when I walked into yo palace last night, there was potato salad on the fucking ceiling! I mean seriously, how does that shit happen. Foe serious. Did Athena just walk up in there and said you know what, I ain't got nowhere to put this. I'm just gonna fling this shit up and see if it sticks!" "Shut up ugly boy." Hephaestus said. "1. You are really bad at comebacks and 2. Hera threw you off Olympus because you are so ugly." I said. "You damn right I did!" *Hera screams in background* "I give you the power of blacksmithing and immune of fire." Hephaestus said. He ran/limped away and then fell. "Run bitch, ruuuuuuunnn!" I yelled after him. "Next in line!" I call. That's when SHE walked up to me. I gasped…..

***GASP!* Who's next in line? Tune in text time to find out. Chapter 2 will be posted in the next few days. Love it? Hate it? Review. 8)**


	2. It's Yo Girl Shanaynay

_**Chapter 2: It's Yo Girl Shanaynay**_

"Where the hell have you been" My sister asked.

"OH SHIT! SHANAYNAY!" I yelled.

"Where the fuck Aunt Madea!?" Shanaynay asked.

"Another one!" Hera cuts in. "She curses almost as much as Percy."

"No. I curse more than Percy." Shanaynay replied. "He's a fucking amateur."

The Gods go into Pandemonium.

"Do you have a garden?" Persephone screams.

"Yes but the only thing that's in it is dirt with a sprinkle of dog shit on top." Shanaynay said.

"Yo single?" Apollo asks.

"Who the fuck you thank I am?" Shanaynay said. "Paris Hilton? I don't do any of that nasty shit that she be doing."

"You wanna join the hunt?" Artemis asked.

"I don't look like Katpiss Nevercleen or whatever the fuck her name is or that Grizzly Bear Barbeque Grill motherfucka." Shanaynay said.

"Do you grow plants?" Demeter asked.

"I grow weed in my backyard and sell it if that counts?" Shanaynay said. "I can hit you up right now with a dime! Only $10. You know I sell my shit cheaper than dirt."

"Do you steal?" Hermes asked.

"That's like asking me if my hair is grows." Shanaynay said. "Of course I steal."

"Have you ever burned in my fiery pits of hell?" Hades asked.

"I been there and back like five billion times." Shanaynay said. "That's like my home now. I left all my shit up in there and I only come up here to sell my weed and my body."

"Wait, you grow weed in my garden?" Persephone asked.

"Yeah. Sometimes I sell it to yo husband." Shanaynay said.

*Persephone faints*

"Do you fight a lot?" Ares asked.

"Sometimes." Shanaynay said. "Most of the time is when people don't pay me for my weed or if bitches call me a slut."

"Do you drink?" Dionysus asked.

"I'm always at the bar if I'm not selling my stuff." Shanaynay said.

"I'll trade you." Dionysus said.

"Foe what?" Shanaynay responds.

"Some of my liquor for some of your weed." Dionysus said.

"How much liquor are you talking bout?" Shanaynay said.

"Ten gallons." Dionysus said.

"You can have all the weed I have on me right now!" Shanaynay said.

Shanaynay then dumps bags and bags full of weed out of her pockets.

"I got like twenty pints here." Shanaynay said.

"Deal." Dionysus said.

"One moe thing." Shanaynay said.

"Yes?" Dionysus asked groggily.

"You give me yo own mixture too." Shanaynay said. "And some weave from Aphrodite herself."

Weave and alcohol start falling from the sky towards Shanaynay.

"I'm going to have all the bitches looking at me!" Shanaynay said excitingly.

The weed that was stacked thirteen feet off the floor magically disappeared.

"Damn it!" Shanaynay yelled. "I was going to smoke a little of that!"

One pint of weed fell from the sky with a note attached to it.

_**Huff And Puff And Then Chug That Liquor Down**_

"Thanks Dio whatever the fuck the rest is!" Shanaynay said as she starting lighting her blunt.

Shanaynay smoked the weed and drank a bottle of the liquor.

"How the hell am I going to carry all the liquor home!" Shanaynay said.

*POOF*

The liquor was gone.

"Did you send it to my house?" Shanaynay asked Dionysus.

"Yes." Dionysus replied.

"Thank you!" Shanaynay said.

"Why have I been invisible to everyone this whole time?" I asked.

"Oh shit." Shanaynay said. "You want a drink?"

"No. I want my gift from you." I said.

"Fuck that shit." Shanaynay said. "I'll be back tomorrow. Hocus Pocus!"

Shanaynay did a little hand movement. Nothing happened.

"Whatever." Shanaynay said. "This shit ain't working. I guess I will just walk home."

Shanaynay starting walking away singing.

_Now I just wanna dri-i-i-i-i-i-i-ink._

_Maybe smoke some we-e-e-e-e-e-e-ed._

_Go out and steal some ca-a-a-a-a-a-a-ash._

_Get naked on the chat cause baby I don't ca-a-a-a-a-re._

_Watching romantic movies,_

_Piercing my own boobies,_

_Who's that bitch?_

_I'm that bitch!_

Shanaynay was then too far away to hear.

Hermes and Apollo then gasped pointing towards the direction Shanaynay was walking.

**Ohh! Cliffy! Is Shanaynay is trouble? Find out in Chapter 3!**

**Thanks to my brother Mark for helping me with the story so far. Without him, I wouldn't have this story posted at all. Search him up in your search bar to read his funny fanfic called "Most Wanted Criminals" His username is "Mark2525rmms" so search him up for Poseidon's sake! His story is also a parody, but for Harry Potter.**

**Anyways….**

**I'm accepting characters that you guys want to put in my story. Just review your characters information and if I like it, I'll put them in the story.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Percy Jackson, Shanaynay, Katpiss Neverclean or "Who's That Bitch".**

**Percy Jackson: Rick Riordan**

**Shanaynay: Shane Dawson**

**Katpiss Neverclean: I forget but those people that wrote "The Hunger Pains"**

**Who's That Bitch: Shane Dawson**

**Love it? Hate it? Review!**

**Stay tuned for more!**


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